Welcome to therapy.

It’s ok, its mine not yours!

My chance to document why I am what I am and do what I do.

This site is named MattversusMatt because in my head there are 2 Matt’s battling for superiority. There’s Competitive Matt and Depressive Matt. 2 different me’s with different drivers, but the same goal……improving myself and my wellbeing.

I mainly train alone and a have small, but important, group of genuine friends so I compete against myself and my depression. Whether it’s beating a target, a PB, a course, my will or the ability to get out of bed in the morning, I do it for me.

Let me introduce myselves:

Competitive Matt

I’d been running on and off since 2003, when in 2013 I started taking it more seriously after I finally admitted the existence of “Depressive Matt”, more on him later.

Anyway after years of yo-yoing weight and feeling like I hadn’t achieved much, a close friend encouraged me to take my running more seriously (he’s since encouraged me to run my first marathon and and ultra-marathon, the Bastard!!). Structured training and regular visits to parkrun helped me make progress quickly. Coupled with losing 4 stone with Weight Watchers I was a real runner (whatever that is)

I took up cycling and achieved my target of completing the first RideLondon in August 2013

These 2 disciplines combined, with a couple of triathlons thrown in, helped me get fitter, feel that I had achieved something and cope with…..

Depressive Matt

Officially Depressive Matt was diagnosed in mid 2012, but in reality he’s been around for more than 20+ years. I have never been one of those people that denied the existence of depression, my mum has suffered with the illness for as long as I can remember. I’ve seen what it can do to a person and the people around them at first hand.

That said I think I always knew I was a depressive, but I didn’t want to admit it. You can’t stay like that forever as there are only 2 outcomes you live a very lonely existence or you don’t live. I eventually  sought help and through a combination of medication, therapy and exercise I’m in a better place. I’m not where I’d like to be, but I’m in a better place.

This is due to me using pillars of support, which I discuss in another post,

Competitive Matt helps Depressive Matt by giving him goals to achieve, time to think and a way of exercising his demons. Depressive Matt returns the favour by telling Competitive Matt that he can’t reach his goals, making him relive past failures and reminding him of his mistakes.

They’re an odd couple, but they seem to get results. Here you’ll get to read what they are, how they get there and some other random stuff along the way.




11 thoughts on “Home

  1. Just ‘discovered’ you via Twitter so popped in to say ‘hi’ 🙂
    I was also diagnosed with severe depression in 2012, so have an idea where you are coming from. I’m quite a newbie on the fitness front though… slow progress 🙂

  2. Matt, I’m glad to have found your blog. We have a few things in common. Do have a glance at my own ramblings, which also cover running, racing, training alone, depression, and stuff. Like you, Infind it occasionally great therapy.

  3. Thank you for sharing your 2 Matts journeys so far – having previously suffered with depression and constantly batting with the ole weight issues i feel for you.
    Even as hard as running can be there is something about it that makes you feel alive. I find myself craving a running buddy because I always run on my own but if I’m honest I prefer running alone, it gives me chance to think about life without having to talk to anyone!! Anyway, sorry rambling there – I look forward to reading more – good luck 🙂 and thank you again.

  4. Hi Matt. Saw you on Twitter so thought I’d pop over and introduce myself. I’ve had severe depression in the past but I’m about to join bipolar club. I’d quite like to get into doing more exercise so look forward to reading more of your blog. (I do yoga but that’s really just lying down and stretching…)

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