Welcome to therapy.
It’s ok, its mine not yours!
My chance to document why I am what I am and do what I do.
This site is named MattversusMatt because in my head there are 2 Matt’s battling for superiority. There’s Competitive Matt and Depressive Matt. 2 different me’s with different drivers, but the same goal……improving myself and my wellbeing.
I mainly train alone and a have small, but important, group of genuine friends so I compete against myself and my depression. Whether it’s beating a target, a PB, a course, my will or the ability to get out of bed in the morning, I do it for me.
Let me introduce myselves:
I’d been running on and off since 2003, when in 2013 I started taking it more seriously after I finally admitted the existence of “Depressive Matt”, more on him later.
Anyway after years of yo-yoing weight and feeling like I hadn’t achieved much, a close friend encouraged me to take my running more seriously (he’s since encouraged me to run my first marathon and and ultra-marathon, the Bastard!!). Structured training and regular visits to parkrun helped me make progress quickly. Coupled with losing 4 stone with Weight Watchers I was a real runner (whatever that is)
I took up cycling and achieved my target of completing the first RideLondon in August 2013
These 2 disciplines combined, with a couple of triathlons thrown in, helped me get fitter, feel that I had achieved something and cope with…..
Officially Depressive Matt was diagnosed in mid 2012, but in reality he’s been around for more than 20+ years. I have never been one of those people that denied the existence of depression, my mum has suffered with the illness for as long as I can remember. I’ve seen what it can do to a person and the people around them at first hand.
That said I think I always knew I was a depressive, but I didn’t want to admit it. You can’t stay like that forever as there are only 2 outcomes you live a very lonely existence or you don’t live. I eventually sought help and through a combination of medication, therapy and exercise I’m in a better place. I’m not where I’d like to be, but I’m in a better place.
This is due to me using pillars of support, which I discuss in another post,
Competitive Matt helps Depressive Matt by giving him goals to achieve, time to think and a way of exercising his demons. Depressive Matt returns the favour by telling Competitive Matt that he can’t reach his goals, making him relive past failures and reminding him of his mistakes.
They’re an odd couple, but they seem to get results. Here you’ll get to read what they are, how they get there and some other random stuff along the way.